60% of the way through our pregnancy…

October 30, 2012 | Stacy

And how 100% is no longer our goal…

Normally, I am all about making it to my due date. When Marie was 4 days early I was considerably disappointed. Perhaps that was because of Nigel’s VERY early arrival. But more likely, it is because of my type-A personality.

But these days… my goal is 85% (a/k/a 34 weeks), although I’d love 90% or better!

Last Thursday I had my follow-up ultrasound and meeting with the perinatologist . And I don’t know if it was just a case of me hearing what I wanted to hear or what, but I left there not terribly concerned at all. Maybe it was denial. But Friday morning I got to meet with my OB and we talked a lot more about where we were.

The fluid in my womb is just as much as when I had Nigel in 2002. Our polyhydramnios did not go away. What is different about 2002 and now is in 2002 the baby’s kidneys were of concern and his legs measured two different lengths. That made three things of concern and three is a magic number where they start considering syndromes, etc., etc. Ducky looks fabulous and is offering no concerns which is, of course, wonderful. We still get to avoid extra testing and the stresses that accompany them.

HOWEVER… Nigel wasn’t born at 32 weeks because of faulty kidneys (they are fine) or because of uneven legs (if they’re uneven we can’t tell) but because of the fluid trouble. And that is what we have here again. 😦

So – in the nutshell, our prayer request is, are you ready for this? It is very deep and profound… our prayer request is that if it is God’s will, our baby will not die. Yup. I think that sums it up. It is certainly what the kids keep praying.

Once Nigel was born and in the NICU it was the universal belief of every involved provider that had I not had the U/S the day that I had it he would likely not have been alive even a day or two later. This opinion was not once refuted that I heard of. John and I believe completely that God’s hand and His timing were 100% responsible for that little boy (who teases his sisters, puts too much jam on his sandwiches and learns past participles) being here today.

We are praying again that His timing reigns.

We are not scared and that is a huge blessing. Huge. He and I were both scared to the point of tears in 2002. We have seen God *show up* so many, many, many times for our family in the past decade. We know what He can do. So we aren’t scared. But it isn’t fun to be walking this road again. Of all the things in our lives we would love to repeat, this would not have been one of them. But we are counting on our faithful Father.

So as much as I’d love to make it to 40 weeks, I’ve truncated my goal and am praying we make it to at least the 34 week mark. With Nigel, at 32 weeks we discovered the fluid was GONE. Likely used up and my body stopped making more. He had to come when he did. We are prayerful God will allow my body to sustain this little one longer this time. We strongly desire skipping the NICU and the other things that went along with that trial. And while we are at it, I’m praying boldly that I will be able to avoid a Caesarean delivery.

But mostly, I’m just praying our baby doesn’t die.

Due Date #2

October 29, 2012 | Stacy

There were no entries last week. We were too busy having fun. We flew from activity to activity and recorded them all on the camera and I will share them soon. But that isn’t what I woke up thinking about today. Today was due date number two. Last February 16th we learned of another Butler baby. Although the idea of a second miscarriage nagged greatly at my heart I worked hard not to give in to fear. And I wanted to celebrate the life we DID have with joy and thankful feelings. And I was excited for a few weeks.

And then, you know how the story goes… an ultrasound. A question of viability. A second ultrasound. A prognosis of loss. And through it all huge questions for God and huge battles with the Enemy and the doubts he wants us to succumb to.

Wednesday, March 7th my friend and I had taken our kids to Chuck E. Cheese as a reward day. We stayed well past lunch and I got home in time to meet the sitter who was going to watch the kids while I ran for the ultrasound. Our sweet baby was not quite the right size, and while his or her heart was beating, it was beating far to slow for the age we knew it was. The perinatologist was kind and honest. He suggested that this little one may not make it, but that we would look in one more week to see if the heart was just starting up.

On March 15th I headed back. And while the heart rate had increased a little it was no where near high enough for the age. I would miscarry. This extremely kind doctor gave me my Rhogam despite it not really being the role of an ultrasound office but saving me a return trip. Receiving compassion is just such an awesome feeling, isn’t it?

It is a pain that my very great doctor and very great perinatologist are so far from home. I joke that it is a long way to drive in labor, but really, it is an even longer way to drive home in grief.

About a week later it was all over. And then one night at work I found myself choking pack sobs as I had to erase all the weekly countdown from the calendar I keep in my work bag. I left the due date in the book. Not that I would forgot, but just to keep it a little bit real.

I read a really cool quote online a few weeks ago: “When a woman a child, she will do anything to protect him. When a woman has a miscarriage, she will do everything to protect his memory.”

Yup. That is how I feel anyway.

Isaiah 55:8 (NKJV)
“ For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
Psalm 34:18 (NIV)
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Which foods have starch?

October 17, 2012 | Stacy

I love Apologia Exploring Creation with Human Anatomy and Physiology.

I wasn’t looking for it…

October 15, 2012 | Stacy

but I got my answer to a burning question…

Why have I been having heartburn on and off?

Some days it is unbelievable, and then I can go weeks without it occurring. About a month ago I emailed a few friends who have had more babies than I have and asked their experiences with heartburn. I got some great suggestions… and then it went away.

But it was back today. And today… it finally clicked.

Now – the irony is that I rarely indulge in this divine condiment. It is expensive and high in fat and calories. Eating for two, however, always grants me a little leeway in the comfort-food department, and this is the second jar I have purchased since August.

Sadly, I will enjoy it no longer. It isn’t worth the chest burning that troubles me the following day.

But come February… you had better believe it will find its way into my shopping cart at least one more time.

Resident wildlife …

October 11, 2012 | Stacy

Over the years we have had different animal groups take up residence and seemingly “claim” our yard as their own. The first year it was absolutely a deer haven. Other years we saw an abundance of ground hogs (yuck), or a prevalence of mice. Last fall we had entirely too many snakes. That was the worst animal season I can recall. We’ve seen other bunches of things as well.

John has worked the last two years to cull (a/k/a kill) the ground hog population. He has had my full support. We saw very, VERY few this year, and only early on in the summer. We have seen far less deer these last 12 months than all the other years we’ve been here. We believe construction on our neighbors’ property is the culprit.

What we did have this year was lots and lots of bunnies and squirrels. One mama bunny went so far as to make her nest in the garden by the front porch! Sadly, her offspring were killed quickly.

Two of the bunnies that we saw regularly earned the names Monica and Doug. There was a third large bunny that joined them mid-summer whose name we did not catch. But the kids and I seriously enjoyed their company all summer, often spotting them near the garden. They were caught IN the garden one day, but Tabitha scared them off quickly and found the hole for Daddy to patch.

Then… in September… we had a new friend come to live here. A fox. Yup. It seems that a yard full of bunnies and squirrels is very good real estate for a fox. We’ve seen him or her a LOT. In the front yard, in the back yard, down the private drive just far enough away from the neighbors’ dog. It is often in our hedge row along the private drive. It seems to behave in normal fox fashion and we aren’t concerned with rabies (at this point, anyway).

We haven’t seen Doug or Monica in at least two weeks. I hope their Realtor found them an alternative location…

Today we took some burnt biscuits out under a tree for the birds. That lent to a lot more out-the-window-watching for my crew. Around 9:00 A.M. Marie spotted our fox. I was able to grab the camera this time; the fox had been too fast up until now.

Can you see it?

Deck update…

October 10, 2012 | Stacy

The deck progress is slow. So much of what had to be done early on was rather dull and hard to appreciate.

Last Wednesday Marie stayed home from CBS to help Daddy. Originally we’d intended for Stewart to stay home with him that morning. But Stewart fell apart at the prospect of missing CBS. Nigel chimed in immediately, too. Both boys begged, “Please, oh please, don’t make us miss CBS.” Marie loves CBS, too, but something made her speak up and offer to help her dad.

Their task for the morning was to measure the height at which each post needed to be cut off. They used string and levels and good old Sharpies. John reports she was a really good worker, but of course she did need a rest now and then. Being married to a blogger is rubbing off some; John stopped to get some photos.

That is the hot chocolate he made her in the cup on the left. He’s teaching her well.

Golly. I love love these pictures.

The work continued a little each day. There was SO much earth to be moved. SO.MUCH. That is hardly exciting, but it had to be done. The yard work suited Nigel very well. He couldn’t scurry away from the school table fast enough with each break in his work.

All the kids had to fill up the wheelbarrow over the weekend. They took turns. Even Tabitha did her share.

This is where we are at as of Tuesday at 5:00 P.M. Far from done, but well past 13 sticks in the ground.

It’s coming. Not sure how far it will come before the snow finds us, but John still has 7 vacation days plus an hour or two each evening before it gets too dark to work.

Tabitha got her Bible today

October 7, 2012 | Stacy

Despite the fact I had a week’s warning and even thought of it yesterday, I managed to go to church without my camera today. Really… that’s okay, because I also forgot it when the older three got their Bibles… Thankfully, my sister has an iPhone.

Tabitha was VERY, VERY excited.

Now… let’s see if she reads it!

Half-Way to Duckster Day

October 2, 2012 | Stacy

20 weeks today. The half-way point. 50% of the way to meeting our new baby.

The hard half is before me. I know lots of ladies will say the first trimester is the brutal one for them, but other than surviving through the intense exhaustion I find that first third a breeze. My discomforts grow daily as I plug along and, therefore, the hardest days are still to come.

Oh, no. This blog will not turn into a complain-fest! I have long detested whiney pregnant ladies. With too many loved ones close to me who have endured infertility and third-trimester fetal loss I have never abided by the whoa-is-me daily lamentation practices of too many of the women I have worked with or otherwise encountered. When it was appropriate I often scolded, “Don’t complain! Do you know how many women wish they had your ‘problem!’” Now that we have endured our own heartbreaking fetal losses, I am just that much more aware of the fragility of life and feel even more compelled to, “Count it all joy.”

That doesn’t mean I won’t express my misery to John or the occasional close friend who knows my heart well and just knows I need a mite of sympathy now and then to get by. 😉

So the belly is growing (hopefully not with too much fluid!), the girls are getting excited, & the boys are picking up the slack (and more and more items I can’t carry) as I move slower. And with only one small child and four big ones (more or less) I find things a bit easier than I did with, say, Marie and Tabitha’s pregnancies. Johanna has 2 parents and four parents-in-training to corral her and I am daily grateful for their assistance.

So we are half-way to meeting Ducky. It is a great milestone. Maybe I will eat half of the container of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream my friend Tara brought me to celebrate.

What? Ducky likes chocolate!

Deck work

October 1, 2012 | Stacy

This will not be a quick process. And considering I never posted the “after” pictures for our beautiful new dining room, I can’t promise you’ll ever see the deck again. 😉

But last week we had 13 post-holes drilled out. On the weekend the store delivered gobs and gobs of supplies. And today they start.

*My* dream is to see it framed in the next few weeks. Floor and rails could wait until next Spring in my planning; I’m not expecting too much. Just a good solid start. We can finish next year.