Four things happened over the last four days that have strengthened my perspective and encouraged me to press on.

1.)  I was offered a full-time job as a nurse practitioner.  Out of nowhere.  Not even asked to interview.  Offered.  What was so awesome is it didn’t even enter my mind for a nano-second to consider it seriously.  Thankfully, the filter between my brain and my mouth was turned ON and I didn’t chortle, “What are you?  Nuts?”  Instead I smiled appreciatively and just said, “Oh.  Thank you.  I can’t leave my babies.”  (Which can be translated to –  I won’t leave my babies.  All my babies.  All six.)

2.)  Our unit is short staffed.  Very.  As in, I could easily work 40 hours a week this summer.  With Stewart old enough to baby sit and Nan generous with her time, I could have easily said, “Sure.”  But, instead when I was asked to pick up time, I said, “I’m sorry.  I can’t do it.”  (Which can be translated to – I won’t do it.)  I didn’t even pause to consider it.  I just *knew*.

3.)  I had a beautiful and lengthy conversation with a new friend and sister-in-the-LORD.  She has endured some Very Tough Things in her life.  She’s ridden waves of sickness and loss that grieved me deeply to even hear about.  And yet, she is full-to-the-brim with the Sword of the Spirit.  Life-breathing Words of Truth fall off her tongue and push back the Enemy and His lies.  She has such a grasp on His promise.  I envied her strength.  I realized I am not a victim; I am not forgotten.  I am a daughter of the King.  I can do the hard parts in my life because of Him.  She helped me remember time is a vapor.  Tomorrow may never come. 

4.)  I had a bittersweet conversation with a friend.  Belle (not her real name but she is a true beauty) is a nurse, and a mom to five beautiful children in roughly the same age bracket as mine.  Because the ugliness of divorce has penetrated her life (I do not pry; I pray) she now works 40 hours a week to provide for herself and her children.  Out of nowhere Belle said to me, “You are the best mom.”
I drew back with a guffaw, “I am NOT the best mom.”
”Yes, you are.”
”No,” I retorted.  “Ask my kids.  I yell a lot.  I get so stressed.  I am not a great mom.”
”Yes.  You are.  You homeschool and take them places and always do things.  I was thinking about you a while ago and thought you are the best mom,” Belle smiled.
I took it in startled, realizing she was serious.  Then I said, ”YOU are a great mom, Belle.  You do so much for your kids and you know it.”  And quickly, “I have help you don’t have.  We live different circumstances.”  Belle half-smiled and nodded knowingly.  I continued, “We are all a moment away from living a different life.”  I added, “I want you to know I don’t take my set-up for granted.”  And then after a moment, I thanked her.  I needed encouragement.  Even the weirdly delivered kind. 
My friend wanted what I have.  Her worldview is spot-on.  She knows what is important, but she can’t have it right now.  Oh, I ache for that.

I was so blessed by my weekend.  It put a frame around my heart.  It cleared up my fogginess. 

Friends – I want the world.  I look and want.  I want to take my kids around the world.  I want a bigger house with a kitchen we can eat in.  I want to sign my kids up for art classes and acting classes and more music lessons.  I want a couch that isn’t pushing 17 years old.  I want a whirlpool tub in my bathroom instead of a shower stall.  I… I… I….
But I don’t want it badly enough to put a price tag on my babies’ heads.  Nuh uh uh. 

I want to drink deeply from the fountain of Truth.  I want to walk fully away from worldly longing and run recklessly into the contentment Jesus offers me as His daughter.  I’ll be working on it.

Because they are worth it.