“Water” stable for the Duckster

November 21, 2012 | Stacy

Today’s ultrasound went very well. I am so filled with thankfulness!The quantity of extra fluid has remained stable. It remains around 11cm. (At 19 weeks the single deepest pocket was 8cm. At 23 weeks it was 11 cm. It has now stayed at 11cm.) This is absolutely an answer to our prayers. If the ratio had gone up, we’d be more concerned. If it had gone down, we’d be very concerned. Stable is good.

When the perinatologist, Dr. Grace, came in to talk he got a call and he said, “I’ll be right over to talk to you,” to the caller. I wondered if I’d get to ask my questions. Not only did he pull up a seat to answer them, he went beyond as if anticipating what I would ask next. I won’t bore you with the details, but I was so blessed.

There still ARE concerns. And starting

12/4 I will go to his office weekly for non-stress tests and every other weekultrasounds. This is on top of my normal OB visits. As annoying as it is I am accepting of this as further answer to prayer. We have consistently been asking God to just demonstrate His sovereignty in the timing of this baby’s life, and to give the doctors wisdom. So… I accept this!

I see my OB next week and have a handful of questions for him. Mostly delivery related, “What-ifs.” I won’t bore you all with repetitive emails. I can’t thank you enough for praying for us. I’m going to selfishly ask you to continue to pray for us as the LORD leads and when He has us cross your minds. I’m huge. I am 27 weeks and I measure like I am 34 weeks along. I am outgrowing my maternity clothes!!! LOL. I’ll already have that, “Any day now,” feeling, but in fact hope s/he comes months and months away!
The only good thing with the fluid is great pictures. I feel like I have a window in my belly. I think Ducky looks like Johanna’s mouth, Marie’s nose, and Stewart’s eyes. Watch – it will look just like Nigel with Tabitha’s hair or something.
Thank you so much for praying for us!

60% of the way through our pregnancy…

October 30, 2012 | Stacy

And how 100% is no longer our goal…

Normally, I am all about making it to my due date. When Marie was 4 days early I was considerably disappointed. Perhaps that was because of Nigel’s VERY early arrival. But more likely, it is because of my type-A personality.

But these days… my goal is 85% (a/k/a 34 weeks), although I’d love 90% or better!

Last Thursday I had my follow-up ultrasound and meeting with the perinatologist . And I don’t know if it was just a case of me hearing what I wanted to hear or what, but I left there not terribly concerned at all. Maybe it was denial. But Friday morning I got to meet with my OB and we talked a lot more about where we were.

The fluid in my womb is just as much as when I had Nigel in 2002. Our polyhydramnios did not go away. What is different about 2002 and now is in 2002 the baby’s kidneys were of concern and his legs measured two different lengths. That made three things of concern and three is a magic number where they start considering syndromes, etc., etc. Ducky looks fabulous and is offering no concerns which is, of course, wonderful. We still get to avoid extra testing and the stresses that accompany them.

HOWEVER… Nigel wasn’t born at 32 weeks because of faulty kidneys (they are fine) or because of uneven legs (if they’re uneven we can’t tell) but because of the fluid trouble. And that is what we have here again. 😦

So – in the nutshell, our prayer request is, are you ready for this? It is very deep and profound… our prayer request is that if it is God’s will, our baby will not die. Yup. I think that sums it up. It is certainly what the kids keep praying.

Once Nigel was born and in the NICU it was the universal belief of every involved provider that had I not had the U/S the day that I had it he would likely not have been alive even a day or two later. This opinion was not once refuted that I heard of. John and I believe completely that God’s hand and His timing were 100% responsible for that little boy (who teases his sisters, puts too much jam on his sandwiches and learns past participles) being here today.

We are praying again that His timing reigns.

We are not scared and that is a huge blessing. Huge. He and I were both scared to the point of tears in 2002. We have seen God *show up* so many, many, many times for our family in the past decade. We know what He can do. So we aren’t scared. But it isn’t fun to be walking this road again. Of all the things in our lives we would love to repeat, this would not have been one of them. But we are counting on our faithful Father.

So as much as I’d love to make it to 40 weeks, I’ve truncated my goal and am praying we make it to at least the 34 week mark. With Nigel, at 32 weeks we discovered the fluid was GONE. Likely used up and my body stopped making more. He had to come when he did. We are prayerful God will allow my body to sustain this little one longer this time. We strongly desire skipping the NICU and the other things that went along with that trial. And while we are at it, I’m praying boldly that I will be able to avoid a Caesarean delivery.

But mostly, I’m just praying our baby doesn’t die.

Half-Way to Duckster Day

October 2, 2012 | Stacy

20 weeks today. The half-way point. 50% of the way to meeting our new baby.

The hard half is before me. I know lots of ladies will say the first trimester is the brutal one for them, but other than surviving through the intense exhaustion I find that first third a breeze. My discomforts grow daily as I plug along and, therefore, the hardest days are still to come.

Oh, no. This blog will not turn into a complain-fest! I have long detested whiney pregnant ladies. With too many loved ones close to me who have endured infertility and third-trimester fetal loss I have never abided by the whoa-is-me daily lamentation practices of too many of the women I have worked with or otherwise encountered. When it was appropriate I often scolded, “Don’t complain! Do you know how many women wish they had your ‘problem!’” Now that we have endured our own heartbreaking fetal losses, I am just that much more aware of the fragility of life and feel even more compelled to, “Count it all joy.”

That doesn’t mean I won’t express my misery to John or the occasional close friend who knows my heart well and just knows I need a mite of sympathy now and then to get by. 😉

So the belly is growing (hopefully not with too much fluid!), the girls are getting excited, & the boys are picking up the slack (and more and more items I can’t carry) as I move slower. And with only one small child and four big ones (more or less) I find things a bit easier than I did with, say, Marie and Tabitha’s pregnancies. Johanna has 2 parents and four parents-in-training to corral her and I am daily grateful for their assistance.

So we are half-way to meeting Ducky. It is a great milestone. Maybe I will eat half of the container of Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream my friend Tara brought me to celebrate.

What? Ducky likes chocolate!

Peek-a-boo, Ducky!

September 29, 2012 | Stacy

Thursday afternoon I had an ultrasound to have an anatomic scan for Ducky. Part of me was very excited. Part of me was a little annoyed about a 4:30PM appointment on the other side of the county. Part of me was very cognizant of the fact that in the last year 4 of my five ultrasounds had me leaving the office in tears!

The last fact did cause me just enough pause to wonder if we should take the kids to the study. However, it is just not very JohnandStacy-ish to exclude our kids from stuff like that, and I am working hard at not caving to the fear that Satan so wants me to succumb to.

So the kids and I piled into the van and met Daddy at the perinatologist’s office. I wish I could tell you they were excellent. I wish I could tell you the entire report was stellar. But they weren’t and it wasn’t. But I’m okay with that now.

The staff did not blink at the size of our group as they lead us to the scan room. The room is set up with a large, flat-screen monitor on the wall so everyone can see, and there was more than enough space for our gang. The scan started and the initial rapture was high. This lasted about one-and-a-half-minutes. The first dissent to speak up was Nigel, “I can’t really tell anything on that.” The sonographer was a saint as she started to lose the assembly. Johanna was loud and rowdy. She didn’t want to sit in her stroller. She wanted to push it. Stewart got into it. All the while she and I were counting heart chambers and measuring the abdomen. Marie was the only one enthralled. She asked if she could get out of her seat and come closer to me. The noise ensued and finally I asked John to take the four of them out. It wasn’t that any of them were being BAD… it was that it was far less interesting to follow what was going on on the screen than it was to mess with and engage with the attention-seeking 2 year old. Lucky John got 20 minutes of that in the waiting room.

Marie stayed with me. She found the humerus and femur. She was impressed with the vertebrae and phalanges. She seriously rocked in there and kept hoping the ever-moving baby would wave at her. The feet made her laugh and she was sure they were identical. The sonographer pointed out the opposite big toes and put Marie at ease.

And I noticed all the fluid.

And I left with the diagnosis of polyhydramnios. That was the same diagnosis I had with Nigel. Dr. Grace wasn’t alarmed the way Dr. Woods had been in 2002. The level of concern was real, but low. I went home to finish out our busy Thursday and just prayed about it and let it sit in my mind.

On Friday afternoon I called my OB’s office and talked to my favorite nurse, Laurie. She quantified the “Single Deepest Pocket” as 8.2cm, which is barely in the polyhydramnios category. We will follow and PRAY that this pregnancy does not follow the same course as Nigel’s.

We didn’t find out the gender. We decided to follow our trend of keeping it a secret; it works for us and I love the surprise at the end. And I get to pick two names that way. 🙂 I am going on record as thinking it is a boy. Time will tell.

Please keep Ducky (and I) in your prayers. If the polyhydramnios does persist it can have significant risks. But I am holding every thought captive and not going to ruminate on the fearful things.

These are the 3D ones. The baby was moving way too much to get a good shot. The sonographer tried her best.

Johanna’s were much better.

On goes the hose…

August 25, 2012 | Stacy

Since my second pregnancy I have needed to wear compression stockings during pregnancy. They are miserable. I inherited my grandfather’s and father’s terrible leg veins and the excess blood volume of pregnancy taxes my vessels considerably. As a matter of fact, before I had Marie and during my pregnancy with Marie I was worked up for DVTs. That was even WITH the stockings. Then in 2009 I had my right saphenous vein ablated. That means they burnt shut the big, long vein in my right leg – you know the vein that they would have taken out to use in a coronary bypass in the future if I needed one.

Have I lost you? (I am cracking up.)

The point is when I am pregnant I get to wear these wonderful stockings. They are tight. REALLY tight. When they come out of the package they look like they might fit a 7-year-old. And I get to pack my 5’9” frame into them. It’s not unlike making sausage, I believe.

The kids have made some keen assessments, such as:“Mom, those are so thick I can’t even see your real legs through them.”
”Wow, Mom. Those must be getting dirty by now; you’ve worn them three days.”
and my favorite,
“Poor Mom. Daddy gets to go to work but you have to stay home and wear tight stockings and teach us school.”

But, I will confess, I just put the stockings on Monday. At 13 weeks, 6 days. Back when I was expecting Tabitha (before the corrective surgery on my right leg) I was wearing them at 6 weeks pregnant. And… I probably should have put them on a few weeks back, but I opted to wait until they started to ache and pop out a bit.

Are you sorry you opened this entry, yet?

You won’t catch me whining and complaining about being pregnant. I am still just in such awe that we do have a baby growing. But you might find me a little more irritable, and I apologize. The way I explain it is, certain things in life irritate us, but we do a good job of holding it together, until enough irritants pile up and say, we hit an 8/10 in the bugging-you department and then you wig out a little. Well, wearing these stockings means I already start out around a 3/10 in stimulation. So as, where it normally might take a ringing phone, a whining 2-year-old, bickering siblings and spilled milk to make me go nuts… when I have the stockings on, it might only take the phone and the bickering to do me in.

One last illustration… the night Nigel was born was a very somber night. Our joy at meeting our son was tempered greatly by the marked prematurity and his critical condition. The only bright spot my midwife could offer to make me smile was, “At least you are done with the stockings.” And she was right. I was amazingly relieved.